Meet Christian & Charity
Updated: May 21
The words needed to describe Christian and Charity are words even I am incapable of finding. And a speechless me is something you will not be finding very often. Trust me on that one.
I can’t really say their pains because they’re not but I can’t really call them angelic either because well….their not.
KIDDING!!!!! They are extremely adoooooorrrabllleeeee. In English that was adorable🥰.
At 8:00 am I’d say they’re cute but by 10:00 am they’re hellers and by 12:00 they’re meat. Dead meat to be exact.
( Depending on my hormones and how close I am to my period it can be earlier.)
Christian was and is the first of the twins to pop out! In fact there is quite the tale to go with his birth.
On a certain day of the week ( a day I’m dying to tell u but can’t because u might be burglar's)(or serial killers) my dad milks. ( Basically meaning he loses a lot of beauty sleep by getting up at 3:30)
Beauty sleep he does need.
By getting up at 3:30 he also loses the two very small brain cells his brain processes.
He did have the grand total of 4 but when he and mum made me they gifted me the other 2.
Something I shall eternally, forever be grateful for. Dad, I really appreciate it.
Anyway coming back to the story with a CRASH….
On a Thursday night he has now got to regain his 2 very majorly small brain cells and beauty which means a lot of time spent in the land of the cook coo. Anyway my mum decides
( or was it Christian) that she had, had enough of carrying around this massive sack, having to eat for two and getting limited sleep. ( A bumb on the front can make a large number of sleep positions very uncomfortable. Resulting in more then enough hours awake, resulting in quite a few other things…..Angry mothers…ETC
Male species, always know that a girl with a made up mind is a girl that will not be swayed. (Also know that girls with limited sleep time will have limited tolerance for your general weirdness.) (Just thought I’d throw that out there.) (Be grateful that small piece of advice could save your lives). Some girls might be swayed but my mum is not in that category (SADLY!!!) so when she decided that the sleepless nights must come to a end. As well as the longterm hunger pangs and constant cravings for maple syrup on hot peppers, plus the bucket on the front that got hitched on everything and forced her to wear Father’s clothes (which by the way are not attractive). You know I think you’re getting the point. If you haven’t the point yet I beginning to feel concerned.
Yes….She decided to give birth.
And because my dad is not responsive at the best of things, at the worst of times he’s a dead log. Literally…..He did not awaken. Even when she went a threw a pillow at his head. And yes that might have been a very pitiful attempt to awaken a sleeping man ( ladies know that a sleeping man is very (almost bordering on the line of impossible) hard to awaken.) BUT…SHE WAS GIVING BIRTH!!!!!!
Anyway cutting out all the gory details of how she gave birth and where she gave birth. ( The bathroom had a werid smell for AGES!!!!!!!)
My SUPER-POWERED MUM GAVE BIRTH ALL BY HERSELF!!!!!
And eventually my dad did awaken ( in that typical dad way of awakening) to my mother placing his 2 minutes old son into his arms.
And also the words “the other one is coming so do hurry up“ and the words,”o lord, why did I get married?”
And the words “NEVER AGAIN“!!!
And “what the -beep-beep-BEEP!!!!”
And so my darling brother Christian came forth, followed a couple hours later by Charity and a few hours later a set of very bossy, cross and living by every rule in the book midwives. Who by the way we don’t keep in contact with.
Christian is adorable. He has a button nose, big blue eyes and freakingly freakled cheeks. He wants to be a farmer when he grows up (if he grows up) and has a deep burning desire to keep bees which has yet to be “oked” by her royal dudeness.
He can cook (and he enjoys doing it ladies).
In fact on a school day when we’re all rushed off our feet and to be honest avoiding the kitchen, Christian will prepare us lunch. And yes it might only be frozen potato waffles with baked beans, but how do you think 🤔 Jamie Oliver started?!
Christian likes snuggling. He’s kinda embarrassed about the snuggling part so if you ever meet him don’t bring it up because it damages his manly pride which Christian does seem to have a lot of.
Christian never stops talking, through it is talking that only the few and far between can understand because my wee brother is a rambling rambler.
He‘ll chew your ears off in a conversation (I’ve personally not got round to trying that delicacy yet but hey I’ve only just started life.) and it will also be a very one-sided conversation because Christian does like the sound of his own voice. But not in the arrogant, disgusting, make you cringe way, but in a cute, kinda of awwwwwwww ❤️ way. (what does that mean way) You know the way some people talk and your still a couple steps behind way.
However shout out to all dear, innocent, darling girls, Christian will most likely chat you up fair so BEWARE!!!!!!
Googee likes buns and cake, has a very sweet tooth and will not go to bed without his teddy bear. He also hates math to the grand extent he offers to clean the bathroom which by the way is not a pleasant task in a family of 12. Told you he was cute 🥰!
He is lovely and warm and very friendly and has a very welcoming character.
And I love him to freaking pieces. And yes that is now in writing. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Charity is quiet.
Like the death reaper is just next door so hide under the bed and control your breathing quiet.
Ok…. That might have been just a little bit over the line of absolute damn truth and now going into the great tunnels of extravaganza. But (and thats not a small but…) I HAVE TO GET THE POINT ACROSS.
Charity‘s quiet is the sweet, cute, cherub, quiet. You know the blond beauty in a long dress that sits in the sun playing the harp looking like a freaking angel 😇 and where you stand in your jewels and general pomp feeling over jewelled and slightly over pomped up, quiet.
She was going to raise guinea pigs but that ended sadly (very sadly) with many tears (many tears) and a terrible development of disappointment in “Martha”, who went a dug a hole, got in the cage and ate the lot.
Folks, may we remember them…
Martha was a Jack-Russell, meaning to those who have nooooooooo clue, she did have the killer queen instinct.
Jack-Russell’s just do.
The rabbits that came next all followed the same disastrous end (but the killer was different). This time the disastrous end that followed our 4 legged, 1 tailed, and 2 eared, furry, friendly, friends was a extremely bad case of mad rabbit disease. And yes mad rabbit disease is definitely a thing. Goggle it.
A massive Disney fan, much to my greatest dismay, I just hope it won’t turn her head into mushy eww eww goo, where she dreams of beautiful pirates, extremely breakable shoes, and talking lions.
She makes a mean strawberry fizz drink, can roller skate at the grand speed of 30km a hour 😉 and is trying to gather a world rocking amount of hello kitties.
So far in this massive undertaking she has 3 toys, one blanket and a hair band.
In case your wondering Charity‘s story of birth was not quite as epic as Christian’s.
But according to my mum just as painful.
Looking on the bright side of things, my dad has helped many mothers perform the art of giving birth (being a farmer does give you quite a bit of experience). And so he was there (that fateful Thursday night) (through technically speaking for those who want to be difficult it was Friday morning) with his new son in one arm and his beautiful wife in the other, huffing and puffing and wondering how much longer she was gonna take. (When Mercy was born it was worse… he started talkinag about turkey prices halfway through)
Something he has still not lived down.
Not only is Charity wonderfully gifted in the talent of annoying me,) not that, that ever takes much) She can play the flute! (I know, took me by surprise too.)
Apparently, (I quote this word to word) I am not allowed to tell you about Charity’s evil cackle. Folks, before we go into this very unique sound that make windows crack, doors creak, me wince, and certain parents say,”if you’ve got that much energy come and clean this/tidy that, I need to get ur bearings on laughs.
There is quite a few different laughs. ( In my personal opinion) I mean you get the giggles ( I LOVE GIGGLING) and then of course you get all the different sorts of giggles. The sarcastic giggle, (that people make, when they are being very big, fat, old cows) and the cute giggles (normally you make them with a lot of flattering of the eyelashes and often get them out when trying to attract the opposite sex) and then there’s the shy giggles ( the ones you use when placed in a very embarrassing and awkward situation, as well as a lot of looking at your feet and swaying from side to side. (In a normal fashion not psycho!!!!!) Through sometimes the shy giggles come out when you’ve been congratulated and have no IDEA of how to respond. (I’ve yet to learn how to take a compliment graciously so this giggle come out a lot.) I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SAY?!!!!
And then you get normal giggles that come out when something is funny but not quite worthy of a laugh.
Charity’s laugh is something that gives you the quivers, makes your nose wrinkle and eyes water. Because all the water is going to your eyes, your mouth goes dry and because all the blood is rushing from your head, your mind goes into overtime overdrive and you end up in a collapsed pile. (don’t ask about the scientific difficulties on this matter.)
And once again there is a massive tons of complete and utter rubbish I could go rambling into, but ( I really love doing my big BUUUTTT) YOU HAVE LIVES!!!! And honestly why waste them?
So to cut quite some time spent in a very nonsensical and for my Granny confusing manner, I shall SHUT UP… hell…how do u even do that?
And that folks is it…
Hopefully you’ve come to the conclusion that Christian and Charity are definitely humans. If you haven’t don’t worry. I’ve put up with them for about 5 years of my 15 years and not yet come to conclusion myself.
Soooo…. Congrats people!!! You have successfully survived the reading of this post!!!
Christian’s thoughts were on food at taking of this pic.